An education
in letting go
By DIANA SHOLLEY
SENDING YOUR TEENAGER off to college is an exciting yet nerve- wracking experience.
To curb the anxiety of moms and dads who may be wondering and worrying how their "baby" is doing, many colleges and universities offer support systems.
"Letting go, it's one of the hardest things we do as parents," said Jan Soderstrom, president of Claremont McKenna College's Parent Network, a group of volunteers who offer support to parents of new students.
"By the time they leave for college, especially the ones going out of state, it's time for them to figure out things on their own," said Soderstrom, who recommends against being a "helicopter parent — one that hovers."
To give students some space, parents — especially ones who are having trouble with the separation — should limit their calls.
"Kids pick up on your anxiety," said Soderstrom, the mother of a Claremont McKenna graduate and another student who will be returning this fall. "Some kids get homesick; your anxiety may make it worse. (The Parent Network) is a great way to stay connected, and learn about what's going on at the school. Recognize that your sense of loss is normal and honor that by staying connected without smothering."
For both parents and students, it's important to read everything the college sends, according to Jennifer Jimenez Marana, dean of first- year students at Claremont McKenna.
"The information is vital — important dates, forms to sign, when and where to go for orientation, what a student can and cannot bring into their dorm room," she said. "(Those are) details a student can easily miss."
Orientations detail nonacademic aspects of the campus, as well as educational expectations, to help students avoid common pitfalls.
"Not attending orientation is a mistake," Jimenez Marana said. "Orientation provides an opportunity to get acclimated and get important questions answered.
Students may think it's not important. Then they show up (on the first day of school) with many questions."
One of the important issues covered during an orientation is what students need to bring.
"Think about the residence hall space and then think realistically what you use," Jimenez Marana said.
"Don't go overboard; you've got no place to put it."
Most schools furnish each student with a bed, dresser, closet and desk. The rest is up to the student.
Microwaves and refrigerators are often allowed, but it's best to check with the school.
As for clothes, consider the local climate and pack accordingly.
"Many students are leaving home for the first time and are creating for themselves a home away from home," Jimenez Marana said. "It can be a lonely experience, but creating a student community helps retention."
Jimenez Marana urges students to be open to new people and new experiences.
"It's amazing the things you can learn from other students," she said.
Helpful Web sites
- www.collegebound.net
- www.collegeparents.org
- www.rentaldecorating.com
- www.dormsuitedorm.com
College checklist
Items new students and their parents should consider, according to local universities and various Web sites:
To make the dorm room a home away from home: Television, small fan, stereo, headphones, trunk, storage box, wall decorations, bedding (including a good blanket because gets cold in some residence halls)
For study: Computer, thesaurus, dictionary, pencils, pens, pencil sharpener, calculator, notepads, markers, paper clips, tape, stapler, highlighter, hole punch, glue stick, ruler, folders, calendar, desk lamp, 3-prong converter, power strip/surge protector
Cleaning up: Laundry bag/basket, soap, stain remover, fabric softener, iron, ironing board, sewing kit, safety pins, dish soap, trash can, trash bags, paper towels, sponge, glass cleaner, personal hygiene bath towels, soap, robe and shower shoes
Down time: Playing cards, board games, backpack, overnight bag, sleeping bag and such sports equipment as a football, volleyball or basketball
Time to dine: Microwave, pop-up toaster, coffee maker, small refrigerator, can opener, microwaveable cookware, utensils, bowls, plates, mugs and easy-to-prepare food for the busy college student
Also consider: Stationery, stamps, envelopes, address book, batteries, camera, film, flashlight, small tool set, alarm clock, umbrella, first- aid kit, toenail clipper, pain reliever
Don't bring: Space heaters, cooking appliances with heating elements, fireworks, pets (but small fish are usually OK), outside antennas or satellite dishes, toaster ovens
Financial tips for college students
>> You should be able to balance and maintain a checkbook.
>> Credit card offers will be readily available. Easy credit can cause a student to leave college with thousands of dollars of extra debt that can take years to pay off. For instance, the true cost of a $50 pair of tennis shoes can be considerably more if the credit card bill is not paid in a timely fashion.
>> A monthly budget can help a student keep spending within his or her means.
Check with the school for possible scholarships or grants.
Even local service organizations may be a source for education dollars.
>> Consider buying used books from the school bookstore or online.
>> Watch cell phone bills. New students complain that numerous calls to friends and parents can cause cell phone bills to become a major unexpected expense.
- Source: Gary A. Brendzel, certified public accountant, Upland
