Don't arrive empty-handed

By CARLA SANDERS
Photo by WALT MANCINI

Invitations to holiday gatherings flow in like mulled cider this of year and many guests frequently suffer through the same dilemma: what to get the host?

Etiquette consultant Pamela Hillings offers two key points: Be creative and be personal.

“While a gift is optional, it is a wonderful show of appreciation,” said Hillings, of San Marino-based Hillings Enterprises. “It’s a nice gesture that says, ‘Thank you for including me.’ ”

The gift need not be elaborate or expensive, but it should reflect the tastes of the host or hostess, according toHillings, one of the foremost authorities on such matters — and she has the resume to prove it.

As the daughter of a former congressman, Hillings gained first-hand knowledge of protocol and manners during White House and Embassy dinners and through meeting foreign dignitaries.

She has taken that knowledge to a broader providing business and social etiquette to and individuals. Among her clients are Bank America, Caltech, Merrill Lynch and Universal Studios. She’s also appeared on television (“The Dr. Phil Show,” “Extra,” “Eyewitness News”), on radio (“Martha Stewart Living,” National Public Radio) and has been featured in numerous newspaper articles.

Annually, Hillings puts together lists of Most Well-Mannered Athletes in the U.S.” serves as a consultant to the Royal Court for Pasadena’s annual Tournament of Roses.

Along with her mother, Phyllis Hillings, she co-authored the book, “Manners- in-a-Minute: Dining.” And, she’s providing her expertise at the Claremont Colleges in November.

So, really, who wouldn’t take her advice? Here are a few of her suggestions, in her own words, to help make your choices better for you and your hosts.

Do
• Take a host/hostess gift no matter how small or inexpensive. The cost is not the issue; it’s the thought that counts.

• Even if you see 20 other gifts displayed on the piano it doesn’t matter. When you arrive, if you do not see a place to put the gift and you are not greeted by the host, just put it on a table by the front door. If they greet you, just hand it to them.

• Enclose a gift card so they’ll know who the gift is from.

Don’t
• Bring a bottle of wine or hard liquor if they don’t drink.

• Give them a box of chocolates if you think they’re trying to lose weight.

• Bring a bouquet of fresh flowers. While these may be pretty and even from your garden, the hosts will have to leave their guests to look for a vase and prepare the flowers.

• Give a gift certificate with the dollar amount on it.

• Bring a gift if the invitation says “no gifts, please.”

• • •

Gift ideas

For the person who likes to dine out: the Zagat restaurant survey for Southern California restaurants (or a city they travel to frequently).

For the cook: The latest bestselling cookbook (or one in their field of interest), a bottle of fresh raspberry vinegar, gourmet oils for dipping, mimosa brunch jam, black cherry cognac sauce, apple currant chutney, gourmet spices, beautiful kitchen towels, a holiday apron.

For the family: Homemade cookies, cookie platter, a beautiful can of gourmet hot chocolate with a large bag of marshmallows, holiday cookie cutters with tubes of sprinkles, cream currant scones with jam for breakfast the next morning.

For the collector: Something for their collection, such as Christmas ornaments, tea cups, college paraphernalia, snow globes, picture frame, perfume bottle.

For the wine connoisseur: A fine bottle of wine (don’t expect them to use it that night), a beautiful or fun wine stopper, monogrammed cocktail napkins for the bar.

For the sports enthusiast: A dozen golf balls, a book on a favorite team. For the music lover: The latest CD by their favorite artist.

Other ideas: A recent picture of you with the hosts on your trip together in a nice frame, a small gift you bought on your trip abroad,monogrammed hand towel(s) for the guest bathroom.